You are in an unhappy marriage, and you are thinking about possibilities. On today’s podcast, I’d like to open up the issues involved in making such an important decision.

Just how do people decide: “The feeling’s gone, and I just can’t get it back” ?

Marriage is the work of love, and “the field of intimacy” during marriage is an experience like nothing else. The person who can uplift you most can bring you down the most.

In Part 1 of this discussion, I will talk about “repetition compulsion.” Are we unconsciously looking for someone in marriage to fill a hole from an old childhood pattern? This issue can be a big part of a mistaken marriage.

Have you done the work on yourself? Have you taken the time to get individual therapy or counseling?

To look at the issues you may be bringing to the table?

Yes, time ticks. But have you asked yourself, “Did I step up in this moment?”

Making your marriage better is the best thing you can do for your children. But if you have tried, and you truly cannot save your marriage, then provide your children with an intelligent divorce. This is your job, if you decide to go.

When we get to these moments, my prescription is to step up.


  • I am “pro children” and “pro marriage”
  • Staying or leaving is a deeply personal decision
  • The person you love the most, can hurt you the most
  • Have you worked on yourself?
  • If you decide to go, an intelligent divorce is your job